Thank you for continuing to support me. Thank you for believing me that I was not the adulterer in the steaming sex video with a China Doll.
I thought that my political career had come to an end and that I was finally caught with my pants down – but incredibly, thanks to the incredibly huge number of idiotic Malaysians – I managed to escape!
They actually bought my crappy excuse of my bulging tummy even though they have never seen me naked. They actually believed that at my age, I could no longer function. I guess they have never heard of Viagra.
So, as you return home to the New Villages for the reunion dinner, please take the opportunity to attack the Barisan Nasional controlled media who claimed the person in the sex video was me.
Please tell your parents, friends and the new villagers, it was someone who impersonated me. That’s all.
We are one family, so there’s no way I would lie to you. Believe me, we will wrest Putrajaya. It will be mine, sorry, I mean, ours.
Please do not believe the lie that I took down the crosses in Christian mission schools when I was Education Minister.
It’s a lie in that stupid portal called stopthelies.my. I thought Raja Petra Kamaruddin was imaginative but that portal is worse.
It was Dr Mahathir Mohamad who forced me to take down the crosses. I would have never done such a thing.
Look at me. Come on, look at me. I can be trusted, right?
Did someone accuse me of raising interest rates during the financial crisis when I was Finance Minister?
Come on, my boss was that Kutty. That Dr Mahathir. How could I have done that without Cabinet agreement? Blame Dr Mahathir.
Don’t believe the MCA lies that I wanted to kill off the Chinese schools by sending Malays to be headmasters. It’s a lie. You mean it’s recorded in the media? Don’t believe in the media.
As a principled, accountable and clean politician, I detest the politics of corruption.
The PKR will never buy politicians. This has to stop. As we usher the Year of the Dragon, I pledged that if I am the PM, we will change the system. We will clean up Malaysia.
This I can promise you. Please do not believe in the Sept 16 plan of massive defections. I will never agree to such a thing.
It was Tian Chua’s fault. You would agree with me that man isn’t very stable. He was instrumental in pushing for that idea.
Please, please tell your friends as you “lou sang” that I can be trusted. No one else can be trusted. Do not believe in the propaganda of the MCA of the PAS’ hudud laws.
I will control them. Their leaders only have degrees in Islam. They have no knowledge in economics and modern management. They will be harmless.
The worse is Malaysia will just be like Kelantan. It’s okay. We can afford to slow them after so many years of hectic growth.
PAS will teach us how to prepare for the next world. Even the Christians believe that this world is only temporary. We will educate the Hindus and Taoists.
I do not want to talk too much. Please attend my ceramah for more. But most important, I am sure you all trust me.
Of course, Lim Kit Siang can be Deputy Prime Minister. Don’t worry, we win first.
Yes, Sivarasah also can be DPM. Ambiga? Yes, she can be Woman DPM.
Jeffrey Kitingan? If he joins us, he will be East Malaysia DPM. Kadir Sheikh Fadzir? He will be the chairman of MAS, of course.
Gong Xi Fa Cai! I believe this is a good year for me. I am sorry, good year for US. The media always misquote me.